Update!

MSX Parodius. Well, okay - Konami Antiques on the Saturn. But it's got a perfectly emulated version of MSX Parodius on it. It's the very first game in the series - the one that most people think of as the first, Parodius Da!, is actually the second. This one never came out on anything other than the MSX - it's got a completely different set of levels than any of the others.
Unfortunately, it's not very good. Far, far too jerky to be playable. It wouldn't be so bad if the background (and, therefore, the ground-based enemies) didn't scroll at a much lower frame rate than your own craft - that just throws you. You can't keep track of bullets or enemies - there's also a huge amount of sprite flickering. I'm sure it was great at the time, but not now. Still want to put some proper time into it, delve into the series' roots, but it'll have to wait until I'm very bored.

NES Parodius Da! Honestly, I've not played this one very much. It's the NES, therefore it's jerky, therefore it's more difficult than it needs to be. I need to put some effort into it, though, so that I can see the exclusive level and bosses. Also want to hear how the sound people handled the music in the later levels - one of the best things about the seris is the fantastic music and one of the best things about trying out the different versions is hearing all the different variations on the music.
Box was a bit battered when I bought it, which annoyed me. Worse, the connections on the cart are past their prime and you've got to wiggle it to get the game to work. Even then it doesn't always work properly - I was playing it a while ago and it just kept on cycling through the first level endlessly, always failing to kick the second level into action.

PC Engine Paroidus Da! Has a totally fucked up intro that really looks like it was created by somebody hepped up on goofballs. It's ugly, it's completely random, it's.. well, it's beyond odd. Graphics look great - the screen has to scroll vertically to a small degree - to fit the score panel in while keeping everything at the same ratio as the arcade game, I suppose - and the result is that the bosses look that bit bigger than usual. Having to scoll up and down doesn't harm the gameplay in the slightest. Nice score attack bonus level from the get-go, too.

GameBoy Parodius Da! I love this. It's a unique version of the game - each level is instantly recognisable (bar the exclusive 'crystal' one, obvs), but has a different layout than in the other versions. You can only make the main character sprite so small, so the levels end up feeling like tighter squeezes. Entire sections are dropped and new, simpler ones put in. Bosses are all familiar faces still. My only gripe with this one is that original flavour GB games don't work on the Micro. If they did, I could die a happy man.
Came in pristine condition. I was fucking chuffed, I'll tell you.

Super Famicom Jikkyou Oshaberi Parodius. Or however you want to spell it. The real-time vocal commentary is the hook, clearly, but after an hour or so you'll be in the options screen, turning the bastard off. He's a distraction from what I consider to be the best game in the series (er, the Saturn version, anyway, but we'll get to that). it's the first and only Parodius to offer a full-on parody of Konami's software library, rather than just of Gradius, and that makes it a rich experience for fans. It's also the game in the series with the most inspired level design, music and background touches, and the most precise, rewarding gameplay.

Saturn Parodius Deluxe Pack (PAL version - just called Parodius over here). This was the first time I'd ever played the series. Contains Parodius Da! and Gokujou Parodius. Da! is, I'd imagine, arcade perfect. I kind of hope not, though, because the collision detection feels off sometimes - your hitbox extends past your sprite's visual border (with certain characters, at least). My other issue with this one is that it doesn't have the hidden level from the PS1 version. For shame, Konami.
Gokujou - or Fantastic Journey as it's known in this PAL version - was originally the part of the comp that I enjoyed the most. That's changed over the years - Da! is less stupidly punishing and simply more fun to play. The biscuit fortress level in Gokujou still feels too random for me - it's like level four of R-Type, but without any of the precise, considered balance in that game. It's just relentless, with far too many enemies appearing on the screen at the same time as your path is blocked by the cake that you have to blast a passage through. Shame, because other than that one level everything else is bloody great.
PAL version is craptacular, btw, unless you've got yr Sat fitted with a 60Hz switch. Happily, I have

Saturn Jikkyou Oshaberi Parodius - Forever with Me. Okay, now this might just be the single greatest hori shmup ever. Every single thing about it is perfect. The commentator is still an annoyance, but it's funny having a second player along for the ride, bringing a second commentator onto the soundtrack so that they can have a conversation with each other.
Everything that Konami added to this version from the SuFami one improves it. The extra hidden faries make it a stupidly long-lasting title. The extra detail packed into the backgrounds is lovely. The music is astounding - the Tokimeki Memorial level is backed by an instrumental J-pop version of Stranger in Paradise, same as in the SuFami game, but if you pause the game and enter a button-press code it gets replaced by a version with singing included. I love it. Again, it's really interesting to see how Konami changed things between the versions, too - the additional boss at the end of the Lethal Enforcers level, the gunsights that try and shoot you down during that level, the different boss attacks... If you only ever buy one Parodius, make it this one.
Saturn Sexy Parodius. As with the NES version of Da!, I've still not put a great amount of time into Sexy. Main reason is that I bought it at exactly the time as Saturn Jikkyou and spent the next month or so playing that one. It's bright and colourful, and seems to have some pretty large sprites - more like Gokujou than Da! or Jikkyou. Alternate paths through, depending on your success or failure in netting the bonus goal on the current level, is an inspired idea. But it's a less well-focused parody again - back to the Da! and Gokujou thing of being a broad side-swipe at Gradius. I'm not keen on the familiar, either - the little Pac-Man dude that you can collect and feed up to add to your firepower. But still, it's hard to be down on a game that has an evil cob of corn as its first boss and a penguin with a urinal on its head as its second.
Missing from the collection:
MSX Parodius (although having the Saturn Konami Antiques disc makes this less of an issue)
X68000 Parodius Da!
SuFami Parodius Da!
SuFami Gokujou Parodius
PS1 Parodius Deluxe Pack
PS1 Jikkyou Oshaberi Parodius
PS1 Sexy Parodius (which might be pointless anyway, a I don't think it's any different from the Saturn version)
PS1 ParoWars (turn-based strat thing - I'm in two minds about this one)
Odds and sods from the above:


Fantastic manuals. I want one of those blue penguins that are threatening the dude at the desk - series creator, maybe? Dunno.

The GB version's box. Each of the inner tabs has a little cartoon image of one of the player characters. How cool is that?

Great boxes. Not shown: the back of the PAL one. Because it's shit.
My collectathon to date (not including Konami Antiques, because I forgot about it until writing this post):

Singho> Yes, I bought the penguin

Seller was trying to flog it for £30 for so long, I nearly gave in. Then she gave up and knocked it down to about £18 - it was mine.